Broken Heart
by aj1101
Summary: Today was the day Colonel John Sheppard would marry again. Actually it was in an hour when the ceremony would start…Her name was Elaina…And Rodney s heart was broken. It was too late…?


Title: Broken Heart.

Summary: Today was the day Colonel John Sheppard would marry again. Actually it was in an hour when the ceremony would start…Her name was Elaina…And Rodney´s heart was broken. It was too late…?

Disclaimer: SGA and his characters are from MGM Television.

Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay and other SGA-Characters

Info: I wrote it some years ago…. So, I am here now and I finally think it´s time to give it a chance for reading…

Chapter 1 – And his heart is breaking…

Today was the day Colonel John Sheppard would marry.

Actually it was in an hour when the ceremony would start.

His second try and Rodney only knew this from Ronon when he told him and Teyla of John´s first ex-wife Nancy.

Her name was Elaina Johnson.

When Atlantis was on earth, a year ago, they got a lot of new people. Doctor Jennifer Keller and some other people stayed on earth. They had not the connection to the city like the ones from the first expedition. It was a chaotic time and Rodney and John had not a lot of free time.

But when they were back in the Pegasus galaxy Rodney thought hopefully it would change again.

He missed John.

And what he got back was a package deal of hell.

John had less time for a game of chess, for a movie or their other games.  
And this woman was always there.

She came with them on missions. Why did they need her on missions? Oh, yes, she was a biologist, too. And she was good in diplomacy and Mr. Woolsey had decided that they should use this chance. Mr. Woolsey had hoped there would be less incidents and more success for their team.

The man was too optimistic…

She sat with them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

She had big brown eyes, long blond hair, sinful lips and a small figure like a ballerina.

She was a doctor of chemistry and beautiful, clever and funny.

She was nice and warm to everyone but Rodney.

She never said it or showed it, but Rodney felt she didn´t like him.

She was…and Rodney took a deep breath…everything he was not.

So today was the day his best friend would marry her.

Rodney sat on his bed and bit his lip.

He wore the black suit and thanks to the training with Ronon and Teyla his body was in good shape.

Rodney knew he was not perfect and not bad looking, that he was average and it was okay. He had learned that his mind was his strongest weapon.

The trainings and exercises showed that he was not as strong or fast like the soldiers and marines, but it didn´t mean he could not be dangerous. He could shoot and fight…not like he would win against somebody like his team members especially like Ronon. God no! But he could find a way to buy time. Even just a little bit more time could make a change. And when he had the possibility to use the technology no one should underestimate him. That was the theory. In reality their enemies laughed at him and did not take him seriously until it was too late.

There seemed to be a lot of things for him to be too late.

After Jennifer had told him that she would stay on earth, he did not stop her and in the end she asked him a question.

What is it he really wants?

And Rodney thought about everything.

His relationships, his failures, the feeling that no one ever really understood him.

And he thought about John.

He remembered everything they had gone through.  
And he knew that he had feelings for the colonel but he was scared how John would really react to Rodney´s confession.

Why hadn´t he said something earlier?

It would have been worth it even if John had said no or told him to disappear.

The risk to lose their friendship was there but...

But it would have been a try with an answer.

The risk would have been worth it.

And the truth jumped him again, so painful he wanted to scream.

He had lost him.

He had lost his best friend.

The man he loved like no one before would marry someone else.

He sat crying on his bed and in less than an hour John would be married with HER.

He could not be there.

He could not listen and watch this event.

He could not…

Then he heard a knock on the door and he paused. If he did not make a sound then the person on the other side would think he was not here. No one could enter his room.

The door was closed and not even John Sheppard with his super gene could convince the city to open this goddamned door. Not this time. Even so the colonel was her favorite but this time it was Rodney she protected.

His tears fell but he stayed quiet.

No more knocking…

Silence…

The person was gone.

He did not who it was or heard the words.

His heart was broken and he wished it would stop.

Just stop.

It was difficult to breath and he closed his eyes.

The wish to run and hide became stronger.

He checked his detector for signs.

No one was outside or near his quarters.

And this knowledge was enough to stop his thinking and left his room.

The door opened without a thought.

The transporter worked without touching the map.

And there was one thing he was absolutely sure about.

Atlantis hid his signal.

Chapter 2 – Promise, not tonight…

"Rodney?" Teyla spoke softly in her radio but there was no answer.

Ronon stood in front of her and for everyone else it looked like a normal talk.

"Rodney, can you hear me? Where are you? Please…please answer me."

She stopped and looked anxiously in Ronon´s eyes.

John had asked them where Rodney was, when he only saw Teyla and Ronon.

Ronon said he would go to his room and he would bring Rodney here in time.

But Ronon did not find him.

Together they stood in a corner of the gate room, hidden, so that John could not see them.

The wedding would start in ten minutes.

"He did not answer me neither." said Ronon quietly.

But Teyla could hear the sorrow for their friend.

They both knew the truth.

And Teyla had a lot of moments where she wanted to yell at them to see what is in front of them. But they both were so stubborn and blind.

Since John came together with Elaina, Rodney heart broke more and more.

And when John told them he wanted to marry Elaina and showed them the ring, the light went out of his blue eyes. John had not much time for them. He did not see what Teyla and Ronon watched every following day.

Rodney gave up to try his chance.

Ronon was frustrated about his friends.

He didn´t want to see them hurt.

"The city is big and he knows her pretty good…"

Teyla nodded thoughtfully.

"You will stay here with John. I may be have an idea where Rodney will be."

And then she left.

Ronon hoped this all would not end in a catastrophe but with Sheppard and McKay?

You never knew.

John noticed Ronon beside him.

"Hey big guy."

"Sheppard." he said as stoic as ever.

"Where are Teyla and Rodney?" John asked nervous now.

Ronon wanted to shake his head but he didn´t move.

"She is with him. They are on their way."

Ronon didn´t want to lie to him, but technically, it was no lie. Not really. And hopefully she had already found him.

"Oh…okay." John said a little bit skeptical.

Teyla stopped in front of the door.

She was not sure to find him here.

But it was one of the places he came often in the last month.

The door opened slowly and barely audible.

Atlantis carefully made the decision to let her in.

There he was.

The music of the piano filled the room.

Rodney sat there with closed eyes but Teyla could see the traces of tears.

The room had a huge glass front and the Sunset bathed the room in a golden light.

It was… heartbreaking to hear the sound and to watch her friend like this.

He slowly opened his eyes but did not stop.

Teyla did not dare to say a word. The pain in the blue eyes was too much.

She knew she could never give him a reason to come with her.

And she would stay with him.

The first time in these month she was afraid to leave him alone.

And she said nothing, did not touch him, just listening to him.

When the last minute came, he closed his eyes again and his playing sounded lost.

Oh Rodney, Teyla thought sympathically.

One minute to go.

John forced himself to smile, even now he could not find Teyla and Rodney.

"Where is Teyla?" John asked Ronon.

But Ronon stayed silent.

No one noticed him and Ronon, when the music started for the bride.

"Ronon!" he hissed.

"With McKay." Ronon whispered.

"And where is Rodney?" he asked desperately.

Ronon knew that Rodney would not come to this ceremony.

"Not here." Ronon answered softly.

Elaina came in the gate room and the people looked back to her.

John didn´t look back.

It was tradition.

"Why?" John whispered sad to Ronon.

And Ronon looked him seriously in the eyes before Ronon leaned forward to John.

Rodney didn´t stop to play.

He didn´t remember how long he actually played.

It didn´t matter anymore.

It should be over by now and the people celebrated the new wedding couple.

And he played and played.

His fingers trembled.

"Rodney?"

Teyla touched him carefully.

The last sound echoed in the room and his fingers touched the keys without pressing them.

"You should be there." he whispered broken.

"I am where I should be." she answered softly.

"But…" Rodney tried.

"No buts. You are my friend, part of my family, and you are hurt. I am here as long as you need me."

Two hours later Rodney and Teyla sat on the ground and watched the stars in the sky.

"You should go back." Rodney said hoarsely.

"You should not be alone." Teyla responded.

"I am an idiot." he said desperately.

"If I weren´t such a coward…" he didn´t finish this sentence.

"You aren´t a coward. You were scared and unsure of your own feelings."

"I … I don´t know what I should do now."

Teyla watched him carefully.

She didn´t know what she could say.

"Maybe it´s time to go." Rodney hated his own words.

"Maybe my time here is over."

"Rodney." Teyla tried to stop him.

"No. He is married now. I can´t do anything. He is happy and maybe in a year there will be already a little Sheppard running around. I can´t… I made a mistake. I waited too long. I can´t stand there and talk and live like nothing happened. I …"

"Shht. Rodney. You will wait with this decision. Not tonight… you will not decide what to do tomorrow when you heart is bleeding. I will not say that it will be right or wrong. The only thing I am asking you right now is not to decide to leave tonight."

And when could he ever argue against her and win?

"Not tonight." he promised.

Not tonight, the words echoed in his thoughts.

Chapter 3 – Not a dream…

It was in the middle of the night when Rodney went back to his room.

He felt so tired.

He didn´t really notice the silence in the halls.

But it was after midnight and people had to work in the morning.

His hand never lost the touch to the walls.

He could hear the hum of the city.

Atlantis…

A beautiful and amazing place.

Full of wonders but dangers, too.

And it was his home.

He would miss her…

No, stop! He promised Teyla not to think about it, not now.

The lights dimmed.

"Atlantis…I am sorry, I am so sorry." he whispered and then took a deep breath.

He didn´t want to go…

But he couldn´t stay her.

He was not strong enough to stand aside and congratulate the new husband and wife.

He could not say how happy he was for his best friend.

He never could lie and John would know the truth in the same moment.

And his best friend would hate him.

Hate Rodney for not being able to be happy for him.

The door to his room opened instantly and Rodney stand still in the darkness.

Some seconds… there was nothing to think about, nothing to feel, nothing to regret.

Only the darkness around him.

"Orange." a voice said slowly.

Rodney froze.

John.

It was John.

Rodney looked around and found John sitting on his bed.

"The first time I saw you…you wore an orange fleece. Your cheeks were flushed. And your blue eyes…" John whispered softly.

"John, what are you doing here?" Rodney asked carefully.

But John didn´t answer.

"Your first words were "Major, think about where you are in the universe.". It was not a request. It was a demand when you saw what I did to the chair. But you were so excited. How could I argue with that?" John remembered.

Rodney saw the scene.

The time in Antarctica.

He remembered when he saw this man with unruly hair und an uncertain smile sitting in the chair.

General O´Neill called him Major Sheppard and how he had told him not to touch anything.

And Rodney knew that this handsome Major had a gene stronger than anyone else.

The picture of the planets, it felt so real. It was as if you would be really there in the universe.

"And then you became my best friend. And you learned so many things."

Rodney didn´t know what to say now.

John got up and stoop before him.

"And today? My best friend was not there. So the question is where did I go wrong?" John sounded helplessly.

"You…you didn´t…it was not…no, John, it was not your fault. It was mine. I…." he stammered desperately.

"That is not quite right. You see, I think it is my fault, too." John interrupted him gently.

The hazel eyes didn´t look away from Rodney.

"The music started and I asked Ronon where you and Teyla were. Do you know what he answered me?"

"No." Rodney whispered lost.

"He said, you will not come. And I asked why...why would my best friend not be here with me? And he looked over my shoulder to Elaina and back to me. Then he said, "Because you broke his heart."."

Rodney´s breath caught.

"I… I am sorry." Rodney got out and looked away. His eyes burned, but he pulled himself together.

"When?" John asked and he stepped closer.

Rodney had no chance to look away again.

"I…a year ago, when we left earth. Jennifer asked me what I really want. And it was not her or another woman. I always liked you more than I should but you are military and there was the DADT and you are straight. I was scared to tell you. I thought I would lose you when you knew the truth about my feelings for you. So I never said something. And last year I thought maybe I should try it…try something. It is better to risk than to live with regret and ignorance. And when I finally had the courage to do something… it was too late. You fall in love with her. You were so happy. I couldn´t… I couldn´t…" and Rodney stopped broken.

"Rodney…" John started.

"No…don´t...I don´t need pity. You are married to a beautiful, funny, warm and intelligent woman. You are happy with her and I am happy for you. I… it is okay if you don´t wanna see me anymore. I understand this. I really do…" Rodney tried to rescue this damned situation, to make it less painful for him.

"MCKAY!" John said forcefully and Rodney stopped his babbling.

"Rodney…" he sighed and suddenly he started to laugh.

Rodney watched in disbelief and speechless.

John slowly calmed down und he shook his head.

"Ronon was right. We really are both idiots." he whispered and before Rodney could react to this statement, he felt John lips on his.

Rodney was lost in this feeling.

The day, the night didn´t matter anymore.

Here and now it was only him and John.

His heard was beating fast and he felt warm and safe.

And John had started this kiss and hold Rodney in his arms.

"Rodney breathe…" John whispered to him.

"I…you…me…" Rodney didn´t want to destroy this moment and so he stopped uncertainly.

"Hmm." John hummed.

"But you and…"

"No." John interrupted.

"No? What?"

"No, there is no me and her. There was no wedding. When Ronon told me that you would not be there, I was angry…No, let me explain. Then he said, that it was me…ME… who hurt you. I broke your heart with this wedding. And I understood. Finally I saw the truth. And I was shocked. You fall in love with me? It felt so unbelievable. I mean, I thought I could never have you after Katie Brown and Jennifer Keller. I gave up…oh god, Rodney, I gave up. And today, my wedding day, Ronon told me you love me. I couldn´t stop to think. Woolsey stood there and talked and talked and I didn´t listen to him. And then I looked to Ronon and our big teddy bear suddenly grinned. And I know I said sorry or something to Elaina and Woolsey … even so Radek could tell you what it was exactly, he and his little black book full of bets … I wanted to find you and I asked Chuck for help and I think I threatened him when we knew you were in Atlantis but not where. And I tried Teyla, but she was hidden too. And then I ran. I pleaded Atlantis for help. But oh she was angry with me. Everyone says I am her favorite, but she loves you even more. You are her "healer". She showed me pictures of you. In this year… and when I saw you cry I hated myself so much. And then she showed me a picture of you room. She send me here and the only thing I could do was to wait."

"You waited for me." Rodney repeated softly.

"Yes, I was an idiot, too. I was blind and after the five years I didn´t think I would have a chance with you. It was easier to give up…and I am sorry that I did hurt you so much. I never wanted it. You are the one I want to protect. You are my scientist and oh… I made so many mistakes in this year. When she showed me the picture of you crying and she refused to tell me where you are… I am sorry. Forgive me, please. I can´t lose you…I love you."

Rodney took his head in his hands and John stopped. The blue eyes let him stop and the hands pulled him to Rodney.

Before Rodney kissed John, he spoke softly and John would never forget this sound.

"I love you."

And John smiled in the kiss.

This was what they wanted.

It was not a dream.

It was not an imagination.

It was real.

It was them.

Later, Rodney and John laid in Rodney´s bed.

They were tired, but satisfied.

Rodney felt John hold him and the skin on skin felt so good…

Rodney could not stop smiling when he heard John´s quietly snores.

He should remember to thank Teyla and Ronon in a really, really big way.

But it had time for later.

And he thought gratefully "Thank you Atlantis." before he slept.

He didn´t hear it but there was this soft laugh…

The end.


End file.
